Fountain of Youth

When the giant hailstones arrived this morning my skull split open. I realised I was dead and partner would have to run the show as a memorial to me. I feel more alive in my end of pain than I ever did. But not even that’s the case itself because I do feel pain and the pain is a pit no fountain of youth no fountain of shit can ease or rejuvenate. I wonder if my real end will come with the end of the planet or if I will stretch out with expanding space to I fall back in on myself and forget under the weight, the crush. Everything I have been is here and I can register without feeling all around me but can I hold it as experience can I gain knowledge or am I the sum total of what I was before the tennis ball hailstone split and there was darkness that then blew into an absurd halflight that doesn’t know day or night, can’t appreciate sun as sun or moon as moon — just agglomerations of particles responding to particles and not.